An elderly couple was driving across the country. While the woman was behind the wheel, the couple was pulled over by the highway police. Ma’am, did you know you were speeding? the officer said. The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, What did he say? He said you were speeding! the […] More
A young man goes to a drug store and says to the pharmacist: “I got a hot date tonight, an’ I need some protection. How much is a pack of them rubbers gonna cost me?” The pharmacist responds: “A three-pack of them is $4.99 with tax.” “TACKS!” the shocked redneck says. “Gawd a’ mighty, don’t […] More
A beautiful woman who had a golden little plane necklace was seated next to a guy on the plane. During the flight all the time he was gazing at the necklace. When the woman asked him: “Are you interested in my necklace?” “No lady; I would rather its runway!” answered the guy. More
A husband and wife were golfing when suddenly the wife asked, “Honey, if I died would you get married again?” The husband said, “No sweetie.” The woman said, “I’m sure you would.” So the man said, “Okay, I would” Then the woman asked, “Would you let her sleep in our bed?” And the man replied, […] More
Fred came home from University in tears. “Mum, am I adopted?” “No of course not”, replied his mother. Why would you think such a thing? Fred showed her his genealogy DNA test results. No match for any of his relatives, and strong matches for a family who lived the other side of the city. Perturbed, […] More
A kindergarten teacher was observing the children while they drew. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s artwork. As she got to Little Johnny who was working diligently, she asked what his drawing was. Little Johnny replied, “I’m drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, “But no one knows what God looks like.” […] More
A woman comes home and tells her husband, “Remember those headaches I’ve been having all these years? Well, they’re gone.” “No more headaches?” the husband asks, “What happened?” His wife replies, “Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror,stare at myself and repeat 3 times I do […] More
A wife goes on a retreat for work for a few days. When she returns and enters the house, she puts her things away and then goes to do some much needed laundry. Upon her entry to the room, however, she finds a pair of panties on the floor that do not belong to her! […] More
In a train compartment, there are 3 men and a ravishing young girl. The young girl proposes, “If each of you will give me $1.00, I will show you my legs.” The men, charmed by this young girl, all pull a buck out of their wallet. And then the girl pulls us her dress a […] More
The older I get, the more I enjoy Saturday mornings. Perhaps it’s the quiet solitude that comes with being the first to rise, or maybe it’s the unbounded joy of not having to be at work. Either way, the first few hours of a Saturday morning are most enjoyable. A few weeks ago, I was […] More
An elderly couple was just settled down for bed when the old man realized he left the lights on in the greenhouse in the back yard. Then they heard voices. Three men had broken into the greenhouse. Scared, they called the police. The dispatcher replied he would send an officer as soon as one became […] More
A hound dog lays in the yard and an old man in overalls sits on the porch. “Excuse me, sir, but does your dog bite?” a jogger asks. The old man looks over his newspaper and replies, “Nope.” As soon as the jogger enters the yard, the dog begins snarling and growling, and then attacks […] More
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