Funny Jokes

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch. A woman passing by remarks, “If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady.” He replies, “If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.” More

A lady that was wearing a tight skirt was waiting at the bus stop to get onto the bus. A bus pulled up and the driver opened the doors. She tried to step up onto the step but her skirt was too tight. So she reached back to unzip and loosen it a little. She […] More

Five 4th grade boys in a typical bathroom discussion during recess were discussing how to get a girl. It was nearly unanimous that girls were easy to get by guys with a perfect penis. None of the boys seemed to know what the perfect penis was though. Jimmy stayed on the periphery listening and not […] More

A woman goes to prison to visit her husband who has just been sentenced to 40 years in jail. As soon as she enters the visiting room, she hugs him and exclaims with tears in her eyes: – “Oh! Roger, 40 years, Roger.?” And the husband replies: “Well, my love, what are you going to […] More

Three women were having a drink in a bar. They were all claiming they could make their husband scream the loudest during bang bang. “Alright,” one of them said, “let’s secretly record the audio and see who’s the loudest.” Two days later they came back to the bar. They all smugly lit a cigar each, […] More

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital. “How are you grandpa?” he asks. “Feeling fine,” says the old man. “What’s the food like?” “Terrific, wonderful menus.” “And the nursing?” “Just couldn’t be better. The young nurses really take care of you.” “What about sleeping? Do you sleep OK?” “No problem at […] More

This one little boy in about 4th or 5th grade was trying out for a school play. He earned a part and went home to tell his father. His father was really proud of him. So his father asks what part did you get? He replies I got the part of a man who has […] More

Two old women were talking and exchanging notes on their sexual activities. The first old woman told the second old woman that sometimes she was able to get her husband excited at night by getting totally naked, lying in bed, and putting her two legs behind her head yoga style. The second old woman thought […] More

A man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church. ‘Father’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession. I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.’ The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.’ Soon thereafter, another man entered the confessional. ‘Father, it […] More

There was an old professor who started every class with a vulgar joke. After one particularly nasty example, The women in the class decided to walk out the next time he started. The professor got wind of this plot, so the next morning he walked in and said….. “Good morning, class. Did you hear the […] More