The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. “Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.” “Well, how much does a […] More
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day. The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill, then went […] More
A magazine reporter is traveling through a rainforest, in search of a fabled cannibalistic tribe. He falls into a trap, goes unconscious and wakes up tied to a stake with a fire burning slowly underneath him. He cries out for help, and is answered by what is obviously one of the tribesmen, who informs him […] More
Fish goes to the doctor. The doctor says, “Hello, sir. What brings you in today?” The fish replies, “Everything. I hurt my back at work, I have a cold, my eyesight is going, and I have high blood pressure.” The doctor raises his eyebrows, jots down some notes on his clipboard, and says, “Okay, Mr. […] More
An important executive was telling friends at his country club about some of his life experiences: “So I bought this yacht that could carry fifty people and I took it out for a maiden voyage and it hit a reef and sunk.” “Then I bought an airplane and on the first flight it hit another […] More
An elderly man travelling by plane was in urgent need of a restroom facility. But each time he tried, it was occupied. The flight attendant, aware of his predicament, suggested he use the attendant’s ladies room, but cautioned him not to press any of the buttons. There next to the paper roll were four buttons […] More
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. “Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?” He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!” When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was […] More
A man is driving down the road and his car breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to […] More
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver […] More
Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. Fromunder the blanket she notices four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, […] More
A guy walks into a bar and sits down. He starts dialing numbers… Like a telephone… On his hand and talking into his hand. The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighborhood and he doesn’t need any trouble here. The guy says, “You don’t understand. I’m very hi-tech. I had […] More
Moishe the Carpenter, returning home with his week’s wages, was accosted by an armed robber on a deserted street. “Take my money,” said Moishe, “but do me a favour: shoot a bullet through my hat otherwise my wife won’t believe I was robbed.” The robber obliged. He threw Moishe’s hat into the air and put […] More
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