During lunch at work, I ate 3 plates of beans (which I know I shouldn’t). When I got home, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly, “Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight.” He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat […] More
Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. When a cell phone on a bench rings, a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins to talk…. MAN: “Hello” WOMAN: “Honey, it’s me. Are you at the club?” MAN: “Yes.” WOMAN: I am at the mall and found a beautiful leather coat. […] More
Four guys were at deer camp. They had to bunk two to a room. No one wanted to room with Daryl because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn’t fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Daryl and […] More
An elderly man in a bar had a couple of beers, and the bartender told him he owed 4 dollars. “But I paid, don’t you remember?” said the customer. “Okay,” said the bartender. “If you say you paid, you did. The elderly man then went outside and told a friend that the bartender couldn’t keep […] More
A man escapes a prison where he has been locked up for 15 years. He goes into a house and finds a young couple in bed. He forces the young man into a chair and duck taped him there. Then he leans over the woman and kisses her neck, then he goes into the bathroom. […] More
A boy comes back from school, disappointed, because he got a 0 on a geography exam. “The teacher gave me a zero because I couldn’t answer a question on Portugal,” he said. His mother asked, “What was the question?” “Where’s Portugal.” “The idiot teacher, I’m going to call the principal’s office. In the meantime we’re […] More
The patient’s family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say. “Things don’t look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves.” “Well, how much does a […] More
A man and his wife were working in their garden one day. The man looks over at his wife and says: “Your butt is getting really big I mean really big. I bet your butt is bigger than the barbecue.” With that he proceeded to get a measuring tape and measure the grill, then went […] More
A woman has to go to Italy for a conference, so her husband drives her to the airport. “Thank you honey,” she says, “Is there anything I can bring back for you?” He laughs, and says, “An Italian girl!” When the conference is over, he meets her up at the airport and asks, “How was […] More
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, nearly hit a bus, drove up over the curb and stopped just inches from a large plate glass window. For a few moments everything was silent in the cab, then the driver […] More
Wife comes home late at night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. Fromunder the blanket she notices four legs instead of two! She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can. Once she’s done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, […] More
On the first day of their Honeymoon, the very naive blonde virgin bride slipped into a sexy but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Christian husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to […] More
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