Adam was talking to his friend at the bar, and said: “I don’t know what to get my wife for her birthday – she has everything, and besides,… she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I’m stuck.” His friend said: “I have an idea! Why don’t you make up a certificate saying she […] More
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark. After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator. She goes ballistic, “You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?” Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, “I’ll explain the toy, you explain the kids More
John hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of my life, between the legs of my wife!” That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, “I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” […] More
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven, where they are met at the Perly Gates by St. Peter. He says, “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I’m granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want.” The first nun says, “I want-a to be Sophia Loren” and […] More
Husband gets home and tells his wife “quick, get me a beer before it starts.” She gets the beer. He chugs it and says “quick, get me another before it starts.” She obliges. Husband again chugs it and says “quick, get me another beer before it starts.” The wife replies “if you want another beer […] More
I’m furious, my wife is cheating on me with a painter. I found traces of paint in the bed. It’s good that with a painter, and mine cheats on me with a truck. “That’s enough, how about a truck?” “I found a driver in bed.” More
A lady comes home from her doctor’s appointment grinning from ear to ear. Her husband asks, “Why are you so happy?” The wife says, “The doctor told me that for a forty-five year old woman, I have the breasts of a eighteen year old.” “Oh yeah?” quipped her husband, “What did he say about your […] More
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milkman to leave 25 gallons of milk. When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point. The blonde […] More
A bus full of nuns crashes and they all die and go to the pearly gates. There they are met by St Peter. St Peter asks the first nun: “Sister, have you ever touched a man unit?” The Sister replies: “Yes, with the tip of my finger” “OK, dip the tip of your finger in […] More
A rich dude and his wife were having dinner at a fancy joint. This absolutely stunning young woman comes over to the table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away. The wife glares at him: “Who the hell was that ? “Oh”, replies the husband casually, […] More
A little boy asks his mother, “Mom, is it possible to eat electricity?” The mother says: ‘What? Where did you hear that? The boy replied: “Yesterday I heard Dad say to you, ‘Turn off the light and put it in your mouth.’ More
A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said, “That part where the hair has grown is called your monkey. Be proud that your monkey has grown hair.” The girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister, “My monkey […] More
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